Straight out of

Straight out of the classroom, here a few situations

that no lecture, seminar, case study or workshop

could have prepared me for, at least not

adequately in terms of timing my response, let

alone composing one right there, on the spot.

What do you say, when a student tells you

“Wow, you look really tired today! Like, really tired.”

“Wow. You are so beautiful!”

“You cannot call them. They died in a car crash.”

“She couldn’t make breakfast for me. She wanted to sleep in with her new boyfriend.”

“She gave me two ‘Milchschnitten’ for lunch. You know, with the extra portion milk in it!”

“Well, Capri Suns are OJ, right?”

“You have a hole in the back of your leggings.”

“You wore that same shirt yesterday!”

“I have watched these videos for a while now. I mean, they are not really bad, just… the women there have really big breasts!” [5th grader]

“Can you be my mom?”

“Oh, my mom is as old as you!” [6th grader]

“I just wanted there to be a naked woman with a Kalashnikov in my story.” [5th grader]

“I can’t do this. Never have.”

“You need to stop believing in me. You are wasting your time and getting on my nerves.”

“Can I be in your class? If only the weak students get to work with you, I’ll just stop doing my work right now.”

“Baking is so gay.”

“Gays don’t exist in Islam.”

“When she is my wife, she can’t dance in public. Only in front of me or other women. I will forbid it.” [10th grader]

“Every man must marry a woman, or he’s not a man.”

“I just had to! They threatened my honor!”

“But they started!!!”

“I think I want to become a policeman who never shoots anyone.”

“I’ve tried them all.” [drugs]

“I lost it like… years ago.” [virginity, a twelve year-old is speaking]

“I had to watch my siblings.” [talking about the lack of personal hygiene]

“Today was the best day! I’ve never had a two on a test! I can’t believe it!!!” [in 7th grade]

“I reached all my goals for the term! This is like winning the lottery!”

“I waked out of the exam feeling like Brad Pitt. I just killed it!”

“I think students should decide everything in their school. But we don’t ever get asked…”

“I think Brexit means bringing your ex to the event. That’s like… a really bad idea.”

“I really didn’t like the ending of that book… so I wrote a different one. Can you send it to the author?”

“Taking the airplane was like traveling into the future!”

Often times I don’t respond because I can’t.

So often times I just listen and am grateful

that they opened up in

the first place.