freaky little freakouts


This is how I woke up this morning (…not at all stressed, as you’ll find out in about threepointeighttwo seconds):

What if my arms go stiff and legs turn to jelly one day so I can’t go on midnight runs and to swing dance parties anymore?

What if I lose my language one day and can no longer speak or even think?

What if I don’t find a real job and don’t make bank and can’t make a living or a life?

What if I end up with more cats than hairs on my head in some drafty trailer in some deserted parking lot?

What if what I thought life was all about turns out to be a big… illusion, and that I, in fact, never achieved what even kids can do, that is to just be in the present?

What if OMG it’s this late already and where has the time gone and what am I doing here and does any of this actually matter and to whom and why???

…It took a long and very cold shower to rethink the drama-filled freakouts above and finally come to the (seemingly) serene conclusion below:

Maybe all this will turn out true. Then suck it up and make the best of it. Maybe, however, some of my plans shouldn’t even actually come true because all it would do is fulfill society’s expectations—and my own, too, and that would take all the fun out of life!

Yes, maybe none of this is up to me. And maybe it’ll all turn out so much better than I could have ever hoped for. May. Be. And until then, one step at a time.

(And for the German readers: …So, tomorrow, I intend on pulling a Beppo (from MOMO): breath, step, sweep, until the road is clean. And a little laugh and a little dance in advance.)
Night, friends, and talk again soon!